As Public Safety officers take up arms to protect Quinnipiac, Public Safety’s David Barger is pleased to announce there has been a drastically low number of on-campus shootings. When reached for comment on the new policy and its effectiveness, Barger...

Latest News
The Death Curse of The Wizard of Oz Strikes Again

After the death of Ruth Duccini, who portrayed a Munchkin, many pundits are suggesting that the movie The Wizard of Oz curses all of the cast and crew to die after long, happy lives. The Wizard of Oz, which came out in 1939, is responsible for the death of hundreds of people, including Duccini, who died a full 75 years after the movie was released. With an age of death falling, on average, at 82, some of the main stars of the movie died under such questionable circumstances as a heart attack,...

Armed Public Safety Officers Prevent School Shootings

As Public Safety officers take up arms to protect Quinnipiac, Public Safety’s David Barger is pleased to announce there has been a drastically low number of on-campus shootings. When reached for comment on the new policy and its effectiveness, Barger said, “As public safety officers, it is our duty to maintain the peace at QU. Since this new policy was put in place we have done just that.” Attributing the lack of shootings to this revolutionary new policy, Barger added “Not only do...

Arts & Life
Film Review From Greatest Filmmaker Of All Time’s Perspective

The Student Programming Board recently showed Citizen Kane over the weekend, an extremely odd movie by the famous Orson Welles. As a former film major, Vine veteran of 10 months and a Metropolitan Film Award nominee in New Jersey (It was an honor to be nominated, but I lost to the excellent video “Dog Shitting On iPad”), I am quite clearly well equipped to review Citizen Kane, the film that many deem to be the greatest of all time. But not this critic. Directed by very famous Orson Welles,...

Singer Does It for the Music, the Ass

In a recent interview, a local musician revealed her stance on her growing popularity, stating, “I don’t do it for the money--I do it for the music, and for the ass.” After years of struggling with little fan support, the musician praised “the hot ass” she received from loyal fans and even random onlookers at her performances as the reason she performs. “That’s my motivation to get up in the morning and write music,” she continued. The artist’s decision to remain anonymous...

Sports
Tony Romo Guarantees Cowboys Will Make It To Super Bowl Party

In a move reminiscent of Joe Namath's legendary proclamation, Dallas Cowboys quarterback Tony Romo has personally guaranteed that the Cowboys will be at a Super Bowl party. After beating division rivals New York Giants to earn a 6-1 record, many experts are supporting his prediction, insisting that the statistics suggests that the entire team should RSVP by January 1st. “You got to love that offensive line,” said ESPN NFL analyst John Clayton. “Not only are they great at blocking for runners,...

Derek Jeter Announces He’s A Quitter

After a 20-year career, which included 14 All-Star selections, five Gold Glove Awards, five Silver Slugger Awards, two Hank Aaron Awards, and five World Series wins, New York Yankees shortstop Derek Jeter has announced that he “just couldn’t cut it,” and quit the sport of baseball. “I’ve loved playing for the Yankees more than anyone can imagine,” said an emotional Jeter, who did not love playing for the Yankees enough to continue playing for the Yankees. “I just wish I could have...