Over the weekend, an elderly man, confirmed to be John Lahey, was spotted at the WiGo-sponsored house party after wandering away from the supervision of Quinnipiac officials. While at the party, Mr. Lahey got a hold of the microphone and began to spout...

Latest News
Old Man Accidentally Wanders Into WiGo Party

Over the weekend, an elderly man, confirmed to be John Lahey, was spotted at the WiGo-sponsored house party after wandering away from the supervision of Quinnipiac officials. While at the party, Mr. Lahey got a hold of the microphone and began to spout nonsense, which can be attributed entirely to his old age. “I didn’t even know this street existed! I’m gonna have to buy all these houses,” said the clearly delusional old man. He continued by claiming to own “all of New Road and most...

English Department Roasts Len Engel

After Leonard Engel announced his retirement, the English Department partnered with Comedy Central to host, “The Roast of Len Engel.” Led by roastmaster and Associate Professor of English Timothy Dansdill, all of the faculty members in the English Department, even the lowly adjunct professors, and Jeff Ross told good-natured jokes about Engel to honor his service to Quinnipiac. “My dear friend Len Engel taught here for over 50 years,” said Dansdill, to the gathered crowd of 10,000. “That’s...

Arts & Life
Justin Bieber Roasts, on High, at 350°

Justin Bieber will appear on Comedy Central’s The Roast in the coming week. Kevin Hart will be hosting the event, which is an hour of quips, jabs, and verbal accusations at the pop star, all while he roasts slowly over a spit, at about 350°. The comments made by some of Hollywood’s finest will be accompanied by a light basting of the star, followed by the slow cook, which will leave Bieber offended and a nice golden brown. People across the country will tune in, not only to see the wide...

Sports
Student Gives Inspiring Speech To Madden Team

After making sure he was the only person in the room, Sophomore Gary Fendleson gave an inspiring speech to his television, intended for the pixels that make up the video game “Madden 15.” Fendleson, who quit playing football in middle school, wanted to make sure his players realized how important the next game was. “I turned the difficulty level to All-Pro for this franchise,” said an excited Fendleson. “That’s pretty hard. I was the Cleveland Browns and we were 9-6 going into the...

Tony Romo Guarantees Cowboys Will Make It To Super Bowl Party

In a move reminiscent of Joe Namath's legendary proclamation, Dallas Cowboys quarterback Tony Romo has personally guaranteed that the Cowboys will be at a Super Bowl party. After beating division rivals New York Giants to earn a 6-1 record, many experts are supporting his prediction, insisting that the statistics suggests that the entire team should RSVP by January 1st. “You got to love that offensive line,” said ESPN NFL analyst John Clayton. “Not only are they great at blocking for runners,...

Opinion
First Year Seminar Hopefully Super Easy

We all know QU 101 was a failure. For the new First Year Seminar 101 course, I want to see material Quinnipiac students can benefit from learning about. For example, how do you tie shoelaces? Where do babies come from? What color belt matches my pants? And finally, do you have a pen I could borrow? That's the kind of Personal Quest that I would like to embark upon during my four years of college. The final papers that we were asked to write in QU 101 were based solely on big ideas, which forced us...

Michael Sam Speech Pretty Gay

Wow. That is all I can really say. Well, not actually because just saying “Wow. That is all I can really say” would not make much of an article at all. So I guess I will truly start this article by at least telling you that this is about the speech that just concluded at 8:00 pm on March 3rd given by football player Michael Sam. If I had to describe it, I would honestly say it was all pretty gay. Never before have I been inclined to demonstrate an interest in football or the players of the...