Hey, I know what you’re thinking. “Gee, I love reading the Barnacle! I wish I could hang out with all those handsome, sexy writers. Boy, that would be grand!” The answer to such naïve spectacles of stupidity would usually be met with a deep,...

Latest News
A Night With The Barnacle (and College Humor’s Adam Conover)

Hey, I know what you’re thinking. “Gee, I love reading the Barnacle! I wish I could hang out with all those handsome, sexy writers. Boy, that would be grand!” The answer to such naïve spectacles of stupidity would usually be met with a deep, condescending laugh because we know we are better than you. But that usual foray is about to be abandoned. This here is your lucky day, boys and girls! October 18th is the date to come meet all of the Barnacle staff writers in Burt Kahn. Starting...

Barnacle Writer and Chronicle Writer Have One Night Stand, Become Romeo and Juliet of Our Generation

Andrew Carvahal, a writer for The Quinnipiac Barnacle, and Nancy Capella, a writer for The Quinnipiac Chronicle, after one too many mojitos, had a one-night stand, becoming the Romeo and Juliet of our time. The Barnacle and The Chronicle have a tenuous relationship on campus, as they cover much of the same news in similar ways. However, their newspaper’s rivalry didn’t stop Carvahal from buying Capella a Keystone Light at Aunchies, which led to them having sex in the back of Carvahal’s Ford...

Arts & Life
Singer Does It for the Music, the Ass

In a recent interview, a local musician revealed her stance on her growing popularity, stating, “I don’t do it for the money--I do it for the music, and for the ass.” After years of struggling with little fan support, the musician praised “the hot ass” she received from loyal fans and even random onlookers at her performances as the reason she performs. “That’s my motivation to get up in the morning and write music,” she continued. The artist’s decision to remain anonymous...

Yeezus Performs Miracle, Makes Disabled Person Stand at Concert

Rapper Kanye West, also known as Yeezus, performed a miracle earlier this week at his latest concert. Two disabled people, one in a wheelchair and the other with a prosthetic, stayed seated until Yeezus commanded, “And may the disabled people stand, or this concert shall not continue.” People were astonished that with just that one statement, the two people struggled to their feet. “It was just amazing, the way that Yeezus could just command something like this and have it really happen!”...

Sports
Derek Jeter Announces He’s A Quitter

After a 20-year career, which included 14 All-Star selections, five Gold Glove Awards, five Silver Slugger Awards, two Hank Aaron Awards, and five World Series wins, New York Yankees shortstop Derek Jeter has announced that he “just couldn’t cut it,” and quit the sport of baseball. “I’ve loved playing for the Yankees more than anyone can imagine,” said an emotional Jeter, who did not love playing for the Yankees enough to continue playing for the Yankees. “I just wish I could have...

No One More Excited For Field Hockey Season Than Field Hockey Team

As the field hockey team kicks off another season, excitement has been at an all time high, mostly among members of the field hockey team. Field hockey, popular in Europe, Asia, and South America but definitely not in Hamden, Connecticut, is a sport played with hockey sticks, but doesn’t have any of the elements that makes hockey fun, like male-on-male violence. Attendance had been down since 2003, the year of the “Pedophile Scandal,” but has slightly ticked upward by two since the field...