Deep in the barren desert of Somalia lies a quaint suburb with a bustling Whole Foods Market. This specific Whole Foods outpost has decided to try out a new concept called the “Black Market” aisle, based on the local clientele. “As a free market...

Latest News
Whole Foods Opens Black Market Aisle

Deep in the barren desert of Somalia lies a quaint suburb with a bustling Whole Foods Market. This specific Whole Foods outpost has decided to try out a new concept called the “Black Market” aisle, based on the local clientele. “As a free market libertarian, I wanted to bring organic foods to the beautiful country of Somalia,” stated Whole Foods Founder and Co-CEO, John Mackey. “As each of our stores in the US gives back to the community with local produce and products, so does our Somalian...

New App Sexts Sexy Neighbors

Following in the footsteps of apps such as Tinder and Grindr, two seniors have created an app to improve sexual relations between Quinnipiac students and families living in Hamden. Sean West and Adam Combs are the co-founders of WhipIt, a new mobile application which allows sexy neighbors and students to anonymously have sex with each other, through...

Arts & Life
Habitat For Humanity Breaks Into Its Usual Mid-Meeting Orgy

Habitat for Humanity announced it will be breaking into its usual mid-meeting orgy at its upcoming meeting on Thursday afternoon. The community service organization, best known for building houses in poverty stricken areas, stressed in the announcement that any and all students are welcome to join. “Theses meetings are a great way to really get to know the other members in the organization,” Habitat for Humanity member Alison Dean told reporters, stating that she has met some of her best friends...

Tyler Perry Announces “12 Years a Slave” Sequel

After the critical and financial success of Steve McQueen's "12 Years a Slave," it was announced recently that director Tyler Perry would be helming the much hyped sequel "Madea Goes Down South." John Ridley wrote the adapted screenplay for "12 Years a Slave" based on the autobiographical memoir, "Twelve Years a Slave" by Solomon Northup. In an interview Ridley recently stated that “if there was more to Solomon Northup's story, I would love to know. The film ended with Solomon being freed...

Sports
Students Discussing Sports Blissfully Unaware of Your Discomfort

Reports state that Jake and Marcus, two of your closest friends, are completely unaware of your growing discomfort as they discuss the positives and negatives of their local sports teams. Eyewitness accounts go on to state that they don’t notice you looking down at your phone as they regurgitate memorized baseball statistics, nor do they bat an eye when you clear your throat or try to change the subject away from how much of an impact the latest player trade made on the team’s future. “Nah,...

QU Sells Prized Racehorse Cinnamon to Glue Factory

A living legend comes to an end, as Quinnipiac University announced today that its prized racehorse Cinnamon will be retiring at the end of this racing season and promptly sold to a glue manufacturing plant in Bridgeport. The record winning thoroughbred and beloved Quinnipiac icon will compete in his final race this Saturday, bringing to end over a decade spanning career. Standing at just under six feet, the chestnut colored equestrian has long been recognized by the campus as the embodiment of...