After Leonard Engel announced his retirement, the English Department partnered with Comedy Central to host, “The Roast of Len Engel.” Led by roastmaster and Associate Professor of English Timothy Dansdill, all of the faculty members in the English...

Latest News
English Department Roasts Len Engel

After Leonard Engel announced his retirement, the English Department partnered with Comedy Central to host, “The Roast of Len Engel.” Led by roastmaster and Associate Professor of English Timothy Dansdill, all of the faculty members in the English Department, even the lowly adjunct professors, and Jeff Ross told good-natured jokes about Engel to honor his service to Quinnipiac. “My dear friend Len Engel taught here for over 50 years,” said Dansdill, to the gathered crowd of 10,000. “That’s...

Discussion of Race Incredibly Successful

In a groundbreaking discussion on race by the Quinnipiac sociology department, it was determined that racism is no longer a real problem within the Quinnipiac community. In the discussion, headed primarily by white faculty members and attended primarily by white students, the topic of racism was determined to be unimportant. In fact, it was concluded that many students had never experienced racism at all. The discussion was useful and no uncomfortable comments were made. When the topic...

Arts & Life
Justin Bieber Roasts, on High, at 350°

Justin Bieber will appear on Comedy Central’s The Roast in the coming week. Kevin Hart will be hosting the event, which is an hour of quips, jabs, and verbal accusations at the pop star, all while he roasts slowly over a spit, at about 350°. The comments made by some of Hollywood’s finest will be accompanied by a light basting of the star, followed by the slow cook, which will leave Bieber offended and a nice golden brown. People across the country will tune in, not only to see the wide range...

Cindy Crawford’s Untouched Photo is “Unnatural”

Cindy Crawford released an untouched photo of herself this month, prompting national debates on the pressure put on young women to look wrinkled and over 90 pounds. The photo depicts the star in a bikini, completely unedited. "The photo is bizarre, otherworldly, and just plain unnatural. This image tells women that they need to have sunspots and freckles, and that they must reject their natural, smooth complexions," stated women's studies professor Kimberly O'Neill. "It’s  unbelievable that...

Sports
Student Gives Inspiring Speech To Madden Team

After making sure he was the only person in the room, Sophomore Gary Fendleson gave an inspiring speech to his television, intended for the pixels that make up the video game “Madden 15.” Fendleson, who quit playing football in middle school, wanted to make sure his players realized how important the next game was. “I turned the difficulty level to All-Pro for this franchise,” said an excited Fendleson. “That’s pretty hard. I was the Cleveland Browns and we were 9-6 going into the...

Tony Romo Guarantees Cowboys Will Make It To Super Bowl Party

In a move reminiscent of Joe Namath's legendary proclamation, Dallas Cowboys quarterback Tony Romo has personally guaranteed that the Cowboys will be at a Super Bowl party. After beating division rivals New York Giants to earn a 6-1 record, many experts are supporting his prediction, insisting that the statistics suggests that the entire team should RSVP by January 1st. “You got to love that offensive line,” said ESPN NFL analyst John Clayton. “Not only are they great at blocking for runners,...